Happy New Year 2024

Happy New Year! We hope you all enjoyed some downtime over what can be a hectic period. For obvious reasons, ‘Resolution’ is always at the forefront of our minds, but in January it takes on a slightly different meaning! If your New Years Resolution is to manage conflicts more positively and build stronger relationships, then Alison’s list of ‘Resolutions at Work’ will certainty help for 2024 and beyond.

Take time to engage – Invest time in really listening to and getting to know those that work with you. If you can build trusting and collaborative relationships conflict is far less likely to arise in the first place as the ability to have open and honest conversations will be enhanced.

Say thank you – Such an easy thing to do and so effective.

Say sorry – In a conflict situation, what most people want is some form of an apology; an understanding of the impact on them and an acknowledgement of the others contribution to this. This can be very powerful in resolving matters. We all know how the nursery rhyme, “words can not hurt me but sticks and stones can” goes, but as Ken Cloke points out, “words can hurt but they can also heal”.
AND, AND, AND – Particularly when giving feedback or delivering a difficult message, far better to adopt the “And” stance rather than the “But” stance which tends to promote a defensive reaction. The “And” stance involves for example, explaining the action and why AND I understand how you feel/impact AND understand your position AND etc etc.

Breathe – It might sound obvious as we all need to breathe to survive. In this context I mean breathe to compose yourself, reduce the impact of stress and give yourself time to think about how best to respond.

I am responsible for my happiness – Whatever we might think at certain times, we (not others) are responsible for how we feel.

It is better to be happy than right – Often (perhaps always) getting hung up on the truth and being right gets in the way of resolving issues and maintaining effective relationships. Often it is said that “There are three truths: My truth, your truth, and what really happened” so how do we determine what is really right in any event?

Validate rather than justify – I think that this is the single best bit of advice to de-escalate situations. Validation requires enquiry and obtaining further information about the issue before defending your own position. It closely follows Stephen Covey’s Habit 5 of Highly Effective People 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.

Be Curious – This could be an extension of the above but particularly when dealing with difficult conversations, be curious about the other persons point of view. Being curious avoids getting stuck in truth, intentions and blame and enables you to gain a real understanding of others interests.

Listen – Really listen to others; do not multi task when listening as it does not work. Listen to the words but also to the emotions and feelings behind them. This takes time and effort but it is worth it.

If you would like further guidance on managing relationships in the workplace, our Conflict and Resilience Coaching can really help. Please contact us to discuss further.

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