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It constantly amazes me that we are taught to speak, taught to read and taught to write and yet we are not taught to listen. This is despite listening being a vitally important and difficult skill to really master. As the saying goes, “God gave us two ears and one mouth as listening is twice as hard as speaking”
Listening skills are crucial for effective communication. Our failure to listen properly can lead to all sorts of difficulties; communications are not heard as they were intended creating misunderstanding, dangerous assumptions are made and we miss a lot of important clues as to meaning and how people are feeling. A feeling that you have not been listened to can create strong emotions such as feeling undervalued. Conversely when we feel listened to we feel valued and become engaged and encouraged to provide further clarification and richer information. We do not remember the words that people speak but we do remember how we felt. In the context of conflict resolution deep listening skills are the most important skill to master.
The lack of importance given to listening skills was highlighted to me recently in a chance conversation with a journalist who had previously been lecturing at a University. We got into a discussion about how important listening skills are for a journalist and yet it is not seen as something important enough and indeed there had been resistance towards including this as part of the degree programme. I find that astonishing; maybe it explains the rise of “fake news”?
I wish that I had been taught to listen prior to doing the work that I now do. Previously, I thought I was a good listener and I now realise that I was not. I have had to work hard and continue to work hard to improve my listening skills; it requires sustained concentration and effort. Here are some key elements of what effective listening entails: –
The value of mastering deep listening skills should not be underestimated. It is an important management skill impacting on motivation and engagement, creativity and innovation and effective employee relations. When dealing with difficult conversations or conflict resolution it is vital that those involved feel that they have been listened to and understood. If that can be achieved it will help individuals to move forward towards future solutions. For more information about our conflict resolution and associated training see here.
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The report was very professional, it dealt with all the issues raised and was particularly thorough. It clearly took the time to fully understand all of the issues and background. It was complex but the report really helped to break it down and I’m hoping we can progress in a positive manner following the recommendations.
Group HR Manager, Energy Sector |
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It is not uncommon for conflict to arise between different teams. This can have considerable impact on both individuals and performance. A number of approaches can be used in this sort of scenario, including neutral assessment, team facilitation and group mediation.
Agreement could not be reached to enter into mediation in this situation and therefore coaching was an alternative support provided to one of the parties. The relationship between a majority shareholder and a shareholder/director was causing conflict. The relationship would be ok at times but disagreements would flare up from time to time and this was beginning to impact on the business.